Canada

I'm in Canada right now visiting my mom's side of the family. Elgin County, Ontario, Canada is a really familiar place for me. I spent every summer here as a child. We would usually stay at my grandparents' house or at my aunt's cottage by Lake Erie. I would swim, play with cousins and friends, go to camp, eat ice cream, play games, and lots of other summer activities. I grew up thinking this was the best place in the entire world. As a kid, when I imagined my perfect place it was here, with my grandma and grandpa.

I haven't been here for three years.

My grandfather passed away in 2001 and then in 2009 my grandma also passed away. I brought my infant son here to meet her twice before she passed and then I brought him again in July of 2009 for her memorial service. I had every intention of continuing to come at least once a year but, for one reason or another, it hasn't worked out that way.

After three years of being away, in some ways, it feels like no time has passed at all. Many things are exactly as they always have been. At the same time it feels different here.

As we were sitting waiting to board our plane at LAX last night I suddenly had a realization that my grandma wasn't waiting for us to arrive. It was a heavy moment for me as I let that realization hit me and sink in. I remembered how she would always greet us at her front door with an excited hug and a sing-songy "hellooo". It brings pangs of sadness to me now, as I write this, that I will never hear that hello again.

Tonight we went to get ice cream at Shaw's, a popular ice cream shop. I'm not exactly sure how long it's been around but I know it's been there a long time. At least long enough that my mom and her siblings went there as children. I asked my aunt how long the building has looked the way it does now and she said that it has as long as she can remember. I reminisced about going there many times as a child and choosing bubble gum ice cream. I would lick the ice cream and store the chunks of bubble gum inside one cheek. Then, when all the ice cream and cone was gone, I would chew that stored up gum all the way home to my grandma's house. As I think about it now I can taste the sugary sweetness in my mouth and it turns my stomach. What a disgusting ice cream flavor! Tonight I went with the oh-so-much-more-sophisticated "Smores" flavor. I enjoyed it. But mostly I enjoyed watching my son lick away at his strawberry cone. I think it may have been the first ice cream cone he's ever had and he barely got a drop on him. His neatness in eating it reminded me that he is growing up so fast.

I'm happy to be here with my two children. I'm looking forward to sharing many of my summer memories with them and to making new memories with them too.