I am on a mission. In an effort to be both a happier person and to become more at peace with myself, I am consciously being more honest and open about my life and trying to limit the amount that I compare myself to others. Of course, this is all related to believing that I am enough. My hope is that a side-effect of this mission will be that others will do the same for themselves.
I was truly amazed at how many people opened up to me after my "I am enough" post from last month. My honesty seemed to trigger something inside others and made them feel safe being honest with me. In return the outpouring of honesty made me feel really good. It helped me understand that we all have something in common: we are all human and no one has it all together.
Over the course of my life I have made a pretty strong habit of comparing myself to others. I almost constantly look at other people's lives and wish that I had what they have. I have had unrealistic views of others' lives and therefore completely unrealistic and unattainable expectations for myself. After 32 1/2 years of life, I'm finally understanding that it's simply impossible to be 100% organized in every aspect of my life, to have a spotless home, to be perfectly thin and fit, to be well-dressed, and to be a perfect mother and wife 24 hours a day all at the same time. Not if I want to be happy too! I can probably have all of those things but not all at the same time, not all the time. And the fact is no one does!
Here's my theory: If we were all more honest with each other, we would all feel better about ourselves and be more satisfied and grateful for what we have and who we are. I believe that the show we put on for each other is making us all less happy and more dissatisfied with our lives and our selves.
One of my friends recently told me that she feels like facebook has become a land for braggers. Another one of my friends just wrote on her blog this morning that logging on to Pinterest can make her feel inadequate. I don't disagree with either of these observations. The truth is nobody's life is as perfect as they make it seem on facebook and nobody actually completes all the crafts they pin to Pinterest. I'm 100% sure of that. If we could all just be honest with each other, we wouldn't feel so much pressure to live up to the fake lives we think our friends are living!
By the way, if I'm wrong, please let me know. If you are the perfect person who has it all together, whose house is never a mess, whose children are always happy, whose dog has always been walked, who has the perfect marriage, and the perfect wardrobe, and you are also incredibly happy and at peace with yourself, please comment on this post and let me know. I will be in awe of you forever.
I am making a commitment to be more honest. I will let you see that my life is not perfect all the time, not at all. That is going to make me happier and, ironically, probably make my life a little more perfect.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Gotta Get This Under Control: The ongoing saga of My Whacky Thyroid
A few weeks ago I wrote about some challenges I've dealt with over the past 8 months or so. During that difficult time I lost over 50 pounds. Of course there is the fact that I had just had a baby and I did have some pregnancy weight to lose but that was only about 25 - 30 pounds. After giving birth I was hardly exercising and I was eating like a pig and somehow the pounds were just melting off. This sounds like a dream come true, right?
Everywhere I went people were telling me I looked great and complimenting me on losing the baby weight so quickly. The compliments felt good and I was happy to be losing weight but at the same time I knew that something must be wrong. People would ask me to share my weight loss secret I would just shrug my shoulders and say, "I guess it's just the stress of having two kids, I dunno." I knew that wasn't it though. On the inside I was feeling anxious about what must be wrong with me. I started to imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios. I felt shaky and dizzy a lot of the time. I had frequent headaches, hot sweats, and a racing heartbeat. I felt tired, more tired than I had when I was pregnant. Because I was feeling anxious and depressed at the time I thought my physical symptoms could be related. I really didn't know what was going on but I was definitely nervous about it.
In April I decided to see a doctor and I requested blood tests. I'm so glad I did. My doctor called me back almost immediately and told me that my blood tests showed high levels of thyroid hormone. She asked me to come in for more blood tests and told me that if the second round confirmed the first results then she was going to refer me to an endocrinologist.
Sure enough the second round of blood tests came back confirming that I was hyperthyroid.
After waiting several weeks for an appointment, I finally got in to see the endocrinologist. Much to my disappointment, he really had no answers for me. He simply ordered more blood work. I was deflated. I wanted answers now. I wanted to start feeling better. I'd been feeling physically awful for months at this point.
Finally, after three rounds of blood tests I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease. Graves' Disease is an autoimmune disorder that causes the thyroid gland to produce too much thyroid hormone resulting in hyperthyroidism. Of course I immediately went home and "googled" Graves' Disease and found that many of the symptoms, including fatigue, frequent sweating, increased appetite, weight loss, nervousness, and anxiety, matched my symptoms exactly.
The diagnosis brought on mixed emotions for me. In many ways I felt relieved. I finally had answers to why I'd been feeling so crappy and why I'd lost so much weight so fast. On the other hand, any diagnosis of something that you will probably have to deal with for the rest of your life is a bit depressing. I sat with it for a few days, decided to go with the positive, and move on.
The endocrinologist prescribed a medicine that I had to take twice a day and he told me he wanted to see me again in three months to check my thyroid levels again. Today was my three month check up. Some good news: I've been taking my medicine as directed and for the most part my nasty symptoms have decreased. More good news: I'm not hyperthyroid anymore. Some sort-of-bad news: Now I'm HYPOthyroid. This was not shocking to me. I'd been suspecting it because over the past three months I've gained almost 20 pounds. This weight gain has been incredibly discouraging for me because I've been making every effort to avoid the inevitable. I've been working out 4-6 days a week and I've been watching my diet. Despite my efforts, I've noticed that my clothes are a bit snug and the numbers on the scale have been increasing. A symptom of hypothyroidism is weight gain so it made sense to me today when my doctor told me that my medication dose had been a bit too high and had lowered my thyroid activity into the hypothyroid category. So that's good news I guess. At least I have an excuse for packing on the pounds!
My doctor is changing my medicine dose and wants to see me again in another three months. I'm feeling hopeful that the new dose will help my weight issues as well as continue to control my symptoms. I'm feeling good about the fact that my doctor had a positive attitude today when I saw him. I'm trying not to feel discouraged that it may take a few tries to get my medicine just right.
The thyroid is a pretty remarkable gland that most people probably take for granted every day. It's responsible for controlling how are body uses energy and how it makes proteins. That's a lot of work for one little gland! I don't take my thyroid for granted any more. I wish mine worked the way it's supposed to but it doesn't. It's whacky and it's made me feel pretty whackadoo! Yeah that word pretty much sums it up. I feel like I'm still riding this up and down roller coaster of thyroid mania! Hopefully it will be under control soon.
If you'd like more information about Graves' Disease or hyperthyroidism, I found the Mayo Clinic website to be helpful:
Mayo Clinic - Graves' Disease
Mayo Clinic - hyperthyroidism
Obviously I am not a doctor and I am not in any way an expert on these topics. I will say though, that if you are also feeling "whackadoo", you may want to ask your doctor for some blood tests. For me, it helped rule out some more serious concerns as well as get some answers and, most importantly, some piece of mind.
Everywhere I went people were telling me I looked great and complimenting me on losing the baby weight so quickly. The compliments felt good and I was happy to be losing weight but at the same time I knew that something must be wrong. People would ask me to share my weight loss secret I would just shrug my shoulders and say, "I guess it's just the stress of having two kids, I dunno." I knew that wasn't it though. On the inside I was feeling anxious about what must be wrong with me. I started to imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios. I felt shaky and dizzy a lot of the time. I had frequent headaches, hot sweats, and a racing heartbeat. I felt tired, more tired than I had when I was pregnant. Because I was feeling anxious and depressed at the time I thought my physical symptoms could be related. I really didn't know what was going on but I was definitely nervous about it.
In April I decided to see a doctor and I requested blood tests. I'm so glad I did. My doctor called me back almost immediately and told me that my blood tests showed high levels of thyroid hormone. She asked me to come in for more blood tests and told me that if the second round confirmed the first results then she was going to refer me to an endocrinologist.
Sure enough the second round of blood tests came back confirming that I was hyperthyroid.
After waiting several weeks for an appointment, I finally got in to see the endocrinologist. Much to my disappointment, he really had no answers for me. He simply ordered more blood work. I was deflated. I wanted answers now. I wanted to start feeling better. I'd been feeling physically awful for months at this point.
Finally, after three rounds of blood tests I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease. Graves' Disease is an autoimmune disorder that causes the thyroid gland to produce too much thyroid hormone resulting in hyperthyroidism. Of course I immediately went home and "googled" Graves' Disease and found that many of the symptoms, including fatigue, frequent sweating, increased appetite, weight loss, nervousness, and anxiety, matched my symptoms exactly.
The diagnosis brought on mixed emotions for me. In many ways I felt relieved. I finally had answers to why I'd been feeling so crappy and why I'd lost so much weight so fast. On the other hand, any diagnosis of something that you will probably have to deal with for the rest of your life is a bit depressing. I sat with it for a few days, decided to go with the positive, and move on.
The endocrinologist prescribed a medicine that I had to take twice a day and he told me he wanted to see me again in three months to check my thyroid levels again. Today was my three month check up. Some good news: I've been taking my medicine as directed and for the most part my nasty symptoms have decreased. More good news: I'm not hyperthyroid anymore. Some sort-of-bad news: Now I'm HYPOthyroid. This was not shocking to me. I'd been suspecting it because over the past three months I've gained almost 20 pounds. This weight gain has been incredibly discouraging for me because I've been making every effort to avoid the inevitable. I've been working out 4-6 days a week and I've been watching my diet. Despite my efforts, I've noticed that my clothes are a bit snug and the numbers on the scale have been increasing. A symptom of hypothyroidism is weight gain so it made sense to me today when my doctor told me that my medication dose had been a bit too high and had lowered my thyroid activity into the hypothyroid category. So that's good news I guess. At least I have an excuse for packing on the pounds!
My doctor is changing my medicine dose and wants to see me again in another three months. I'm feeling hopeful that the new dose will help my weight issues as well as continue to control my symptoms. I'm feeling good about the fact that my doctor had a positive attitude today when I saw him. I'm trying not to feel discouraged that it may take a few tries to get my medicine just right.
The thyroid is a pretty remarkable gland that most people probably take for granted every day. It's responsible for controlling how are body uses energy and how it makes proteins. That's a lot of work for one little gland! I don't take my thyroid for granted any more. I wish mine worked the way it's supposed to but it doesn't. It's whacky and it's made me feel pretty whackadoo! Yeah that word pretty much sums it up. I feel like I'm still riding this up and down roller coaster of thyroid mania! Hopefully it will be under control soon.
If you'd like more information about Graves' Disease or hyperthyroidism, I found the Mayo Clinic website to be helpful:
Mayo Clinic - Graves' Disease
Mayo Clinic - hyperthyroidism
Obviously I am not a doctor and I am not in any way an expert on these topics. I will say though, that if you are also feeling "whackadoo", you may want to ask your doctor for some blood tests. For me, it helped rule out some more serious concerns as well as get some answers and, most importantly, some piece of mind.
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